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Skrivesperre: They're coming for you
Chrolli, Verbotene Liebe, Olli, Christian
What cheers you up the most when life gets you down?

Well, there are many things necessary for a zombie apocalpyse. First of all, you need to get your hands on a really good double-sided axe (that way you can swing it in every which direction and achieve twice as much zombie carnage). Either that, or the double-sided red lightsaber from The Phantom Menace. Then again, Darth Maul got his cut in half, so ... that wasn't so cool. If you go for the lightsaber, you need to keep it intact. Don't do as Darth Maul, or you will get your torso cut clean off. Which is unpleasant.

Next, you need to find a sturdy base of operations. It should be small, maybe with room for a couple other people (you know, if you feel like company when you're slaying the unmentionables). It should not have windows in any shape or form, but one, thick door with a really intricate lock. Zombies are, naturally, brainless (which is probably why they're so keen on eating them), but it is nonetheless a good idea to take extra precautions. You never know when the zombie master may appear and wreak havoc and mayhem on your dwelling (the zombie master must, naturally, have some small amount of intelligence, though we know it can't be much, as unleashing a zombie apocalypse can hardly be seen as a good idea).

Furthermore, you need some serious combat training. You also need to build your strength. The combination of strength and combat training will allow you to sever a zombie's head with a violent kick to the head, should you for some reason find yourself in the midst of an attack without a weapon (this aforementioned scenario should, of course, not happen at all - always have your weapon with you, otherwise youre brains WILL be eaten). Nonetheless, it is important to know your kicks. If you can't afford a personal trainer, watch some Chuck Norris movies and get the roundhouse kick down. This should be more than effective.

Finally, you quite simply need to kill as many zombies as you possibly can. This is done most effectively by using bait. And what is the zombie's food of preference? That's right. Fresh brains. So you need to get yourself either a basement full of victims willing to die for the cause, or, alternatively, a herd of cows. Zombies prefer human brains, of course, but they will go for pretty much anything. You'll have to decide how gruesome you wish to become. One must sacrifice for the cause. And, if you think about it, since the zombies are able to infect their victims, a human you kill straight off the bat is one less zombie you'll have to kill later.

Just think about it.

When you have the bait set up, you can lie in wait, and as the zombies set about their feast (and are, as such, distracted), you set upon them and hack your merry heart out (not literally, of course - you generally need your heart to, you know, live, and one must be alive in order to kill zombies).

If you wish to go for the truly horrific bloodbath-version of things, just get some explosives. Use the bait, wait for an appropriately sized herd of unmentionables to show up, and blow them to kingdom come. Or, you know, back to Hell. This alternative eliminates the danger of proximity to the zombie, but other dangers arise, such as explosives control and noise. The noise the explosion makes may attract an even larger herd of zombies, and if your explosives then run out ... well, you're pretty much dead.

So, that's my guide for effective zombie-killing, and my personal plan for whenever they decide to take over. I think they'll find in me a skilled enemy.


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